I had a dream last night that a long-lost love came to me. She was on a trip with a bunch of people, on their way to another destination, but she sidetracked to come see me. She was driving an impossibly gigantic white hearse/limo type vehicle, with some young women sitting in the open facing seating section in the middle, and a couple of guys sitting at a poker table in the back section.
It was awkward. I wanted to say things to her that I couldn’t say in front of my partner. I felt very attracted to her still. I wanted to be her lover again, but had no intention of leaving my partner.
Finally right before she had to leave, we got a few minutes alone. We held each other, then I went to kiss her, and she backed away. I had misunderstood her intentions. She did not want to be that girl.
I felt surprised and disappointed, but I understood. She was behaving with a lot of integrity for what she wanted in her life, and it just increased her attractiveness to me. I understood that this was a new thing for her, so I let her go.
As the dream ended, I felt happy for her and who she’d become, and happy for me that I was able to support her.
As soon as I got a few minutes alone this morning, I did Machaelle Small Wright’s Medical Assistance Program (MAP session). This is where I lie down alone and call in my guides. I ask if there are any flower essences to facilitate the session (optional), using muscle testing to find them. I use the full set of Bach remedies. Then I talk to them about anything from physical complaints and concerns to emotional issues I want to heal and spiritual information. I describe the sensations or feelings, then wait to feel what’s happening, then describe it as it changes. At the end I again ask if there are any flower essences to help me process the session. It lasts 30 – 70 mins. For all of the important details, get her book by clicking the link above.
Getting the physical out of the way first, I found out the ankle I broke 6 months ago is properly healed, my right hip muscles that are sore from running just need more strengthening, and my neck is disturbed by the way I am doing disc golf. I need to mentally loosen up and have fun with every single shot, enjoying the possibilities. When I asked why it seems like I need to have intense (tense) concentration to make sure the discs go where I want, I learned that is true, but not the way I am doing it. I need to intensely KNOW that they will go how I want, but not tensely mentally picture it and think it through. The neck tension is a control thing on my part, trying to make it go as fast and far as possible and in the desired direction by how I physically throw it. I found out I am right in feeling like I need to breathe down into my legs and feet, to stay more in my body. But I will not have to do that if I just truly stay in the joy of throwing and in the knowing of its perfect result.
I asked about work I can love, and money of course. What should I focus on? “you are doing it.” I had a very good past month of work and gifts of money. They said whenever I get what I call a lucky outcome in my life or in disc golf, I immediately dismiss it as “just luck.” They said it is not luck; it is grace and a miracle and I should bless it whenever it happens to receive more of it and to realize that grace and miracles are a natural state of being for anyone who loves and trusts God. “Don’t worry about money, not now, next month or next year. Haven’t you always had everything you needed? You will always be taken care of if you stay connected to God.”
Then I asked about the dream. I got REPRESENTS, meaning that this person represents something to me and that is why I want her in my life, want to be intimate with her. She represents a certain kind of child like purity and innocence, which is not that much to do with her personality, which has actually been a bit cynical a lot of the time. This purity is her soul, which I saw back when we first met and I now associate with her whenever I think about her.
I want to have this purity for myself, but it is not gained by being with someone whom I project it onto, whether they in fact have it or not.
I also saw that this person represents my pure self, meeting me again in the dream, after having been somewhat estranged.
Then I remembered my “person in a cat body” who had this purity and had died in 2007. I had a big cry again that he was gone. I felt surprisingly inconsolable for a few mins. and am tearing up as I write this even now. They said, “he is here with us right now” and I started bawling all over again. Not sure why. Would’ve thought I would be happy to see him again, but it wasn’t the same. I asked to not feel so sad and immediately all of a sudden felt peace. Thank you.
They talked to me about death just being a change in form and my current pets are approaching it a little. “Can tell by their increased sleeping. This is when they start seeping out of the world of form little by little.” More crying. I love my kitty so much, we’ve come such a long way together. I know they’re at peace but I still miss them and I hate having to keep saying goodbye to them! They said there’d be another one.
I have been realizing and seeing more and more that the seeming separation between all of us – living or dead – is not real. It seems to me the most unreal between the people with whom I’m most connected, have the most connection, the most love, a similar path, also between people who are paying attention and trusting what they feel. Just as I’m writing this, my friend who had the all night new years day spontaneous channeling just texted me, “you ok?” See what I mean?
Breakfast: 11:30am – KS Blueberry Muffins
Lunch: 5:30pm – 8 oz. tofu, 2 c. green beans, 1 c. brown rice, 1/2 c. Thai green curry sauce