DAY 103

FOOD LOG

Meal #1:  8:15am  –  Muffin Tops with 6 oz apple and 2 T peanut butter

10am  –  8 oz green juice

12pm  –  organic Colombian decaf with 4 oz steamed lowfat milk

Meal #2:  3pm  –  1 c quinoa on bed of 4 c mixed baby greens, baby carrots, beets, cilantro and arugula, 2 oz feta cheese, 2 T balsamic vinaigrette

4:30pm  –  MetRx Protein Plus bar

Meal #3:  8:30pm  –  2 c zucchini, 4 oz smoked chicken salad

Meal #4:  11:30pm  –  Peachsicle Smoothie (1 c soymilk, 4 oz frozen peaches, Greens First Boost vanilla flavor, didn’t need any stevia, which is good because I’m getting tired of its taste!)

 

EXERCISE LOG

none.  I came back home and took a nap for an hour in the sun, with my sleeping bag on the deck!

 

INNER WORK

At this point I’m just working on being nice to myself; no criticism for anything that’s not getting done (see earlier posts), and acknowledgement and praise for what I am doing well (why not?  It works really well for my dog, so why not me?)

Congratulations to me!  I have maintained my abstinence, am working out at least 3 days a week, and am keeping up my end of the conversation with my higher self.  I am staying level-headed, grateful and pleasant to be around, while working extra shifts and am doing my other 3 jobs adequately, all on negligible sleep.  I have begun praying again so I am sure that Divine intervention deserves some of the credit!

Cutting out the frustration over “what is NOT”, is a great way to embrace “what IS.”   For me it’s a key to self-love and conscious creation.

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DAY 102

FOOD LOG

Meal #1: Bowl of Heaven8am –

Meal #2: 2pm – 1 c cucumber salad, 4 oz smoked chicken salad, 12 blue corn tortilla chips, 1 cup coffee

Meal #3: 5:30pm – 1-1/2 oz almonds

Meal #4: 8pm – sushi (1 c white rice, 2 oz fish, 1/4 c raw vegetables), 2 oz chicken, 1-1/2 c cooked broccoli and zuchini

Did quite well eating lunch and dinner out today, especially at the chinese buffet (a potentially tempting place).

EXERCISE LOG

75 mins power disc golf

10-20 mph winds with 35 mph gusts until the last few holes. Had fun whipping those discs and watching what the wind did with them. Good type of practice!

INNER WORK
Gratitude List

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DAY 101

FOOD LOG

Meal #1:   9:30am  –  8 oz green juice, 2 slices Ezekiel toast, 1/2 T butter, Cherry Smoothie ( 1 c soymilk, 4 oz frozen cherries, 2 oz pineapple, 18g vegetable protein, 20 drops stevia)

Meal #2:   3pm  –  4 oz shrimp and 1 c brown rice, sautéed in a pan with a little olive oil spray, 1 t Old Bay seasoning, Frank’s hot sauce, diced onions and fresh garlic; sautéed zucchini and onions

I used frozen shrimp from Kroger, already deveined and peeled, so this meal only took 15 mins to prepare

Meal #3:  9pm  –  5 oz ground turkey on a bed of mixed baby greens, beets, cilantro and 1 oz goat cheese, 1 T NO, 8 oz red potatoes with carraway seeds

EXERCISE LOG

30 mins bicycle CyclOps trainer.  Felt easy and good.

 

INNER WORK

My spiritual life feels virtually nonexistent lately.  Worked 15 extra hours last week and will work 12 extra this week.  This when I was barely hanging on with the new job’s regular hours.  Should be back to normal next week.  But talk about survival mode!  There is very little attention to higher thoughts when I can barely get in all the work, sleep and meals; exercise is the next to suffer, so I’m very grateful I’ve been getting that in.

I did finally catch up on the phone with my mom and then my sister, which is good for my soul.

I had to have a talk with my partner, about why I have such a short fuse lately  –  survival mode!  Not much humor or patience in that state of mind.  Although the times I got upset were when I was having a really nice time, finally managing to catch a little downtime, just doing some mindless shopping, or playing, and felt like I was being asked to account for my time or whereabouts.  That was what I was trying to get away from!  It really feels like a matter of mental health to have some unscheduled and unrestricted time with no place to be and no deadlines or commitments–“downtime.”

I was pleased that I was able to become objective about it, be calm and state my point of view, not make anyone else wrong and ask for what I need, and feel heard.  So some sanity exists in all the time pressure and stress.

Posted in Abstinence, Step Work | 2 Comments

DAY 100

FOOD LOG

Meal #1:  8:30am  –  Ginger Pear Muffin Tops

Meal #2:  2:30pm  –  4 oz chicken, 1 oz cheese, and onions sautéed over  3 c salad of lettuce, tomatoes and 1 T salsa, 1 T Ranch dressing

Meal #3:  9pm  –  4 oz chicken, 2+ c salad of lettuce, cucumber, carrot, 1 T NO, 8 fried provolone sticks

EXERCISE LOG

none

 

INNER WORK

none

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DAY 99

FOOD LOG

Meal #1:  12pm  –  Pumpkin Pie

Meal #2:  3:30pm  –  4 oz DFM curried chicken salad (incl 1 T mayo), 3/4 c black eyed peas, 1 T italian dressing, 2 c mixed baby greens, 1 serving Lays chips

Meal #3:  8pm  –  Russell Stover sugar free Pecan Delights, 1 beer, 2 Amy’s Black Bean Enchiladas

 

EXERCISE LOG

45 mins leisurely stroll.  Mainly a rest day.  My energy just dropped out yesterday when I was halfway through my trail run (all of 1.5 miles total LOL), and never returned.  My muscles felt weak and wobbly.  That is a sure sign of over training for A blood types. 

I know I’m not training very hard by most standards.  It’s more about HOW I’m training.  I have found that if I “push it” (exercise til my energy is gone, lift the heaviest weights that I can still do with 12 repetitions, or do full out activities like sprinting) it will result in getting totally fatigued well past the workout, totally losing motivation, getting an injury or sickness.

Last time I was lifting weights at the gym, I was pushing the heaviest weights I could.”Pushing it” is what I’ve always been taught gets the results!  So that’s my programming, and I always think I should be doing that.  And if you’ve been reading along, you know I always feel good and strong during and immediately after that kind of workout.  Maybe it’s still true for As, but a lot less so.  I really have to listen to my body in the moment as well as over a longer time span.  An almost imperceptible increase, much more slowly over time, might work.

What DOES work for As is a slow warmup, getting into a steady rhythm that can be maintained, and ending the workout with some energy still in reserve.  Maybe that’s why exercise like yoga, Tai Chi and walking, 20-40 mins in duration, are most recommended for As.

INNER WORK

Happy Easter!

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DAY 98

FOOD LOG

Meal #1:  10:30am  –  2 eggs, 4 oz homemade sausage, 2 slices Ezekiel toast, 1/2 T butter, 3/4 c yogurt, 5 oz mandarin orange slices, 2 drops stevia

Meal #2:   3:30pm  –  4 oz sautéed ground turkey, onions, garlic and spices, rolled up in 1 c romaine lettuce leaves (5 or 6 medium sized leaves), 8 oz baked red potato slices with hungarian paprika and salt, 2 c sautéed zucchini and onions

Meal #3:  10am  –  4 oz DFM curried chicken salad, 3/4 c black eyed peas, 1 T italian dressing, 2 c lettuce

Meal #4:   Pina Colada Smoothie

This is the most abstinent I’ve been at the restaurant at night.  I did not crave any of the food there.  I was prepared mentally and with my food.  I had a strong intention to only eat the food I planned and to bring delicious abstinent food.

EXERCISE LOG

30 mins barefoot trail run.  That pretty much answers a  question I had  – Should I do the 5k trail run barefoot?  No.  When I did the extended down hill section, it was really hard on my feet with the speed that I was hitting the roots, and I had to slow to a crawl when I could’ve been gaining speed instead, if I’d had shoes.  Between the knee problems that make me have to take more of the force in my knee and hips, and not being able to find smooth foot placement at the higher speeds of the downhill, it’s shoes for me!

I still love to walk and train and run on flatter, grassier routes.  I feel like it really helps my feet and specifically my ankle continue to rehab.  My joints move in a way that they never do when I’m wearing shoes.

45 mins disc golf

 

INNER WORK

 Ok.  Thank you God for making me invisible to police and criminals alike! (I really don’t want tot hear the police say to me again, “Thank you for putting on your seatbelt.  You know I was coming after you.”)

Posted in Abstinence, Barefoot Running, Conscious Creation | Leave a comment

DAY 97

FOOD LOG

Meal #1:  10:30am  –  12 oz green juice, Coffee Smoothie with 1/4 c organic decaf, 2 packets Greens First Chocolate Boost, 1 unsweetened vanilla soymilk, 5 oz frozen peaches, 30 drops stevia

Greens First is a company with a whole line of products dedicated to helping people get their “greens” (veggies and fruits) into their diet regularly, by making it easy and taste good.  It is challenging!  The Chocolate Boost tasted great in my smoothie!

Meal #2:   3pm  –  3 c mixed baby greens, 1/2 c sliced beets, 1-3/4 oz goat cheese, 1/2 oz pecans, 1-1/2 T balsamic vinaigrette, 4 oz skinless, boneless chicken breast, 8 oz red potatoes

Meal #3:  6pm  –  Power Crunch bar (stevia and 5g sugar sweetened, 13 g protein).  OA has a rule that sugar can be present in small quantities, as long as it is not amongst the first 5 ingredients.  We’ll see.

Meal #4:  9pm  – 2 breaded, fried chicken tenders, 6 small onion rings, 1 T honey mustard sauce, 1 oz mozzarella cheese, 1 c Blender Salad

Meal #5:  12:30am  –  DFM Coconut Chicken soup, including 3 oz chicken, 1 c coconut milk

Another non abstinent day with the white floured foods.  My pattern is that I start out doing well, keeping to my plan, but it tends to degenerate as the day wears on.  I’m going to have to like my own food better than what’s at the restaurant, and make it as easy to eat quickly and in the car.

 

EXERCISE LOG

30 mins Planet Fitness weights/cardio express circuit.  It felt easier today.

 

INNER WORK

Gratitude List:  Thank you, God, that the paper under my windshield wiper was NOT a parking ticket (downtown parking is treacherous!).  Thank you that I haven’t gained any weight in the past few weeks of time and sleep stress and struggling with the logistics of maintaining my eating plan.  Thank you for my more fit body and all the new clients!

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DAY 96

FOOD LOG

Meal #1: 8:30am – Muffin Tops with apple and peanut butter, 12 oz green juice

Meal #2: 1pm – MetRx Protein Plus bar (mostly maltitol, with 1 g glycerin & sucralose)

Meal #3: 3pm  –  bag of Cheetos

Meal #4: 9:30pm  –  1 c Blender Salad, 12 fried zucchini sticks

Meal #5:  11:45pm  –  1 c yogurt, 4 oz mandarin orange slices

EXERCISE LOG

45 mins barefoot running disc golf – running between each throw and to the next tee.

That felt good! And I scored a 68, which is only off of my best rounds by a few strokes. Woohoo!

Now I know I can do a 5k obstacle/mud run, which is about 45 mins of running, bending, stopping, crawling and climbing. Just need to find a way to add in some climbing.

INNER WORK

Gratitude list:  Making lots of money at my night job, saving most of my money from my night job, a sweet partner who picks up the slack in the chores at home when I’m crazy busy, getting used to my new, late night schedule and not feeling so stressed and tired, incredible Spring flowers, sunshine, dramatic clouds and the full moon.                              

Read For Today

I feel a rant coming on!  I am really resisting the whole 12 step thing, especially Step One and For Today.   Sometimes it’s alright, and I find value in it, but 9 times out of 10, I read it and think, “ok. Whatever.”  I finally realized why today.  It’s talking about food addiction as a disease that I hate.  It’s talking about limitation, helplessness and surrender.  I understand the idea behind it, and how it can be a useful tool to help people just accept that their bodies cannot handle some things the same way as other people. 

I give it over to God alright.  But not in some pitiful, whiny way (yes, that’s what it makes me think of).  My God is beautiful, powerful, humorous and understanding, and I don’t feel any less than that, because I believe God is in me, always seeking expression.  Maybe it’s just semantics, but I cannot read another mention of how small and helpless “we” think we are, some of us whose bodies handle food differently.

Even as a healer, I don’t think about disease.  I do not spend time focusing on the pathological.  I understand that it exists in one way of thinking, the dominant world view.  I choose to focus on what IS working and find that whatever I focus on expands.  Conscious creation is the way I generally spend my energy, not finding and talking about what does not work.  There is a place for full acknowledgement, and then it’s time to make a new story.

The more I spend time with these readings of limitation and helplessness, the further I feel from my connection with God, and I am tired of that. (Rant over)

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DAY 95

FOOD LOG

Meal #1:  8:30am  –  2 slices Ezekiel toast, 2 T 100% peanut butter, 4 oz frozen cherries, 2 oz frozen pineapple, 1 c soymilk/kefir mixed, 20 drops stevia

Meal #2:  1:30pm  –  Taco Bell: 4 oz chicken, 5 oz cheese, 1 bag tortilla chips, 2 white flour tortillas, 1 c lettuce and tomatoes, 1 c Blender Salad

Meal #3:  8:30pm  –  Boston Market:  1 chicken drum and thigh, 1 c red potatoes, 2 T butter, 1 c string beans, 1 cornbread roll

EXERCISE LOG

90 mins disc golf

I wasn’t able to transfer my race entry to this Saturday’s race.  It’ll have to be June 23rd.  Will still be an incentive, no matter when.  I still have the Dirty Girl obstacle/mud run to prepare for on April 28.

INNER WORK

Read For Today

I am still pretty stressed out, never feeling like I have any down time.  Tonight I briefly felt like having something sweet to eat.  I knew it was to numb out the intensity of all the responsibilities and time pressure.  Just knowing that helped.  

I thought about calling a fellow OA (a first!), but whenever I’ve called someone in the past, I haven’t gotten the feeling that they wanted to talk, almost like I was intruding or they were surprised someone called, even though they posted their name and number to receive calls.  So that didn’t feel like something I wanted to do again. I haven’t found the calling network of people I’m looking for.

Oops, I still didn’t think to call my sponsor, but then again it was after 9pm. 

So there’s certainly some improvement, and room for more improvement.

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DAY 94

FOOD LOG

Meal #1:   9am  –  Muffin Tops with apple and peanut butter, 12 oz green juice

Meal #2:  2pm  –  4 oz broiled salmon, 1 c brown rice, 1 c sautéed Brussels sprouts, 1 c Blender Salad

Meal #3:   5pm  –  EAS Protein bar

Meal #4:   8pm  –  8 baked Italian chicken wings, 1 c sautéed long beans, 1 c sautéed zucchini and yellow squash, 1 oz cheese

EXERCISE LOG

30 mins elliptical

 

INNER WORK

Read For Today

NSA entrainment – heart opening and pure joy.  I actually felt 2 oscillators moving in my heart area.  Have not spontaneously breathed like that in weeks.  Really floated and buzzed out of there today.

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